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jessica clair
info&calender&friends&myspace
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[Wednesday
February 28th] |
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I miss skipping class. & going to the park. drinking beers. smoking cigarettes. & talking about the future.
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[Sunday
December 17th] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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Life is pretty much gay lately.
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[Monday
November 27th] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
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To The Sunshine;
I've been through quite a few phases of transistions of personality in the last year alone. I hate to realize that I was doing really well after doing really shitty just to be doing shitty all over again. It kind of makes me want to give up sometimes. But it's also even harder to just give up on life. I guess whether or not you give up on it; life will keep going whether you are a part of the cycles or not. So, what is the fucking point?
Lately, I have been tired. Lazy might be the better word. And whether or not I've given up on life, I sure have given up on areas of my life. I've noticed that I could get 12 hours of sleep and I'm still tired. I don't have the motivation to work out lately. Some days I do, but not lately. I'd rather sit around playing video games. Or just sitting period. Waiting around for someone to come up with something to do. Or waiting for our breaks we take from sitting. Remember, however, that when I came to school, I didn't plan on making that habit worse.
******
I seem to be that person who is constantly on guard. constantly quiet. constantly assuming that they know what everyone else is thinking. Lately, I haven't been that person, and look at where I am because I lacked that.
Actually, I don't think I really care, because it is true that people will think what they want to think whether or not it is in fact true. What's funny is that we are not in high school anymore.
******
I've also decided that I hate college. I can't stand it. I wait all week inticipating the weekend when I can go home. See my Laney, my mommy, and Jared. Why am I so effing lame?? I've yet to figure that out. I just need to get through these 2 weeks and then it will be break again....
I hate the smells here. Everything makes me sick. I can't eat at Kliner anymore because everything smells bad. I'm tired here. And I hate it here. blah blah blah. I want to go home.
******
I want it to snow. I want to go snowboarding.
******
I hate giving plasma 2/3 of the time I die.... I'm going to have to switch arms... hopefully I can get a nurse that knows what the eff she is doing..
kk, I'm done bitching.
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[Thursday
October 19th] |
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mood |
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 im a lot of things right now. |
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things are looking up. i'll be moving to Hills soon. and that is fantastic because that is where i always am. i'm very comfortable with these girls. i haven't decided if that is a bad or good. i'm thinkin that it's good so far. i'm going to try to give plasma today. i need money. and then we are going to a halloween store.. i have no idea what i wanna be. 0 actually. hopefully, something will catch my eye when we get there. i love coffee. very much. it makes me really happy. and other things make me really happy too.
i love jared. he is better for me than i am for him. i'm a sucky girlfriend. but less extreme than what a lot couples go through in our situtation. i like football. i like it a lot. sometimes i wish i was girlier than what i am. but that's okay. because nikki and i are a lot alike. it's funny really. life is strange. and random in most cases. i like basketball. i haven't played in awhile, but i really do like it a lot.... i wish i didn't have to do anything to get the things i want. and this is because i am lazy... very lazy. but i will do what i need to. it just takes me a little motivation.
sometimes i wish i could dance....
usually i like rain. i love rain. but the rain here is all wrong... and it makes me sad.
i like cassie. it is good.
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[Wednesday
October 11th] |
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mood |
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blank |
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It was Laney's birthday yesturday. She is 3. I called to wish her a happy birthday and i got the answering machine. so i sang the birthday song to her. then i called later and mom wouldn't let me talk to her. i was sad. my mom hates me because i don't have job yet. i wonder if she'll love me when i get one. i think i haven't tried really hard to get one because this way i can use that as a playful excuse for her hating me, but in reality, if i got a job she would hate me just the same. i can't remember the last time i hugged my dad for real. i can't remember any daddy daughter talks or kisses on the forhead. or sitting on daddy's knee. and even if he doesn't realize it, my dad is an asshole. at least my mom knows she is a bitch. brittany hates me because of my past mistakes. she's jealous that i'm at college. she basically thinks i'm a shitty person. laney loves me because she is taught to. if she were older she would hate me like the rest of them. jared loves me for other reason that i'd rather not get into. my friends hate me from time to time because i am selfish and a shitty person. it's hard to be at college all on your own, knowing that in the end, no one gives a shit whether you succeed or fail. as long as you don't bring them down with. my mom, whether she knows it or not, blames me for how her life turned out. i hate being the unwanted one.
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[Tuesday
September 12th] |
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Life is absolutely wierd. Just plain wierd really.
I haven't written in a while.
I don't really know what I want to talk about.
Life is amazing lately. I'm living happily & my smiles are real. I think my personality is the same, I've just made a few modifications. And it's better.
I still have no idea what to do with my life.
I'm still adjusting to college life, but it's good.
I miss my boy. very much. I stayed at his house last night, but we had to leave eachother at 10, so I was lonely and couldn't fall asleep, it was torture, basically.
I need to get an on-campus job.
good story: so for the past 3 weeks since I've here, i've opened the cupboards in the kitchen to find something to eat. And i would scan the top row. easy may...hamburger helper...oat meal....noodles you microwave.
i did this like everyday...unsatisfied with the food we had brought, until today!!!
I opened the cupboard... i scanned the top shelf....easy mac....hamburger helper...but it wasn't hamburger helper..it was Care Bear Fruit Snacks!!! I was so excited, that i had to eat 2 baggies. And i only like the yellow, red, and pink ones, so i had to throw like 7 little care bears away because they were blue, green, or yellow.. fuck my life. i know
i have a busy week ahead of me. but it should be pretty fantastic!!!
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[Wednesday
July 12th] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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I HAVE A BOY AND HE MAKES ME SMILE :)
I'M SO LUCKY....
I HAD A VEGETARIAN CHEESEBURGER FROM BK THE OTHER DAY AND IT WAS GOOD.
I DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD VEGAN PATTIES.....
I HAVE ORIENTATION FOR GVSU TOMORROW MORNING. YAY!
& I HAVE A WONDERFUL SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD....
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| I HATE COLLEGE TODAY> AND LOVE OTHER THINGS |
[Wednesday
July 12th] |
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mood |
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loved |
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Well, I am as happy as happy can possibly be....
and this is no joke.
i don't have words for my happiness: that could describe it justly.
but it is good, very very very good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~and
i hope this lasts.
i hope this lasts for a long time.
because it is beautiful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~also
i had been waiting 3 days now for it to rain: not just any rain, but the kind you dance in, the kind that will clense your soul.
i waited outside for the last 3 days for at least 1/2 and hour just waiting for a good rain. and it only sprinkled....
and i was dissappointed for those 3 days, but today....
IT HAPPENED
and i was in the rain. and i feel awesome. this rain was beautiful. and i played like a little kid. and i jumped in puddles. and i jumped on the trampoline. and i swang...swung?
and it was perfect. i wish i could have this type of rain more often.
because for that period of time, everything was perfect, and nothing really mattered. that is a contridiction in terms, but that is what it was.
;)
i'm also worried, but i don't know if it is necessary yet for me to be worried. and so i'm pushing that away for now. and focusing on how great this life can be.
i'm crazy. and should think things through before i jump in.
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[Thursday
July 6th] |
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mood |
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loved |
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10 days until my bday.
i've caught myself smiling for no apparent reason lately, it's wonderful.
the fireworks at twinlake are better than the ones at whitehall.
the kitties are getting bigger. pretty soon i will have to find them new homes. :(
if you are interested, let me know.
i feel like swimming.
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[Monday
July 3rd] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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I'M BACK!!!
and now...my friends are leaving me.....for effing texas....lame asses.
i love things.
and so, i was reading an article and it was MY theory.
if you want to know what my theory is, study Quantum Physics. it was so weird, it is exactly what I came up with.....crazy. and now i am pissed because i can't get credit for it, even though i didnt know what quantum physics was when I cam up with it.... lame
im so happy i got to hang out with leeann. she makes me so happy. she makes me smile. and i'm not a lesbian. i can prove.
i also love red bull- sugar free
and other things
sigh
have sweet dreams
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[Thursday
June 29th] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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im going to bois blanc island until tuesday.
i will miss everyone.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````
anna and i have friendship bracelets..
holli and i are blood sisters.
i ♥ things
can we dance in the rain when i get back...?
please.
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[Tuesday
June 27th] |
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mood |
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amused |
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it's almost my birthday time. i'm excited.
i met black foot and molly hatchet the other day.
i can hackey sack.
i'm happy when it's raining.
i have to work today.
i have to babysit tommorrow.
i like theories.
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| man daughter |
[Sunday
June 25th] |
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mood |
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loved |
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i got a job. can you believe it?
im a desk clerk at the super 8 and im in training.
i had fortune cookies at my open house.
jared makes me smile.
i hate gelatin. ewwwwwwwwwwwww and eww again.
i miss the show the gummi bears.
♥
i am tired. and i suck at volley ball. but.... i can wrestle.
damn it.
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| SEE, SEE, MY PLAYMATE. . . |
[Thursday
June 22nd] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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i can't make it better if i do not know what is wrong
PHILOSOPHY IS THE TALK ON A CEREAL BOX
RELIGION IS A SMILE ON A DOG
IF YOU ARE NOT APPALED, THEN YOU ARE NOT PAYING ATTENTION
i just realized, fairly recently, that i am a tree hugger, and have been like my whole life. but apparently everyone around me knew this...
i am lame
the boys make me smile.
june 21, 2006 is in the record book for one the best days of my life.
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[Saturday
June 17th] |
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my life is making me smile lately.
summer is going well.
i got a boy. and he makes me smile.
& i ♥ everyone so much.
& it's funny, because i never cried about graduating. i was all smiles, and still am. and i hope it lasts. there are some kids i would like to see. i should get on that.
smiles.
hmmmmmmmmmm. i've been busy.
love.
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[Friday
June 9th] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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i think i might want to do something with animals for a career. but this idea has just come to me yesturday, and i don't know how i will feel about it tommorrow. it's seems possible for now.
i watched part of the Candyman last night, and i almost cried.
would like to hear my sad routine?
well,
every weekday morning i have to be home by 6am so that i can take my mom to work.
monday, i watch laney
tuesday, gma comes
wednesday, i watch laney
thursday, laney goes to gma's
friday, i watch laney
friday night i have off, saturday i have off, sunday i should be home, and then by monday morning i have to be home by 6 again.
and this is the same for every week. and it is exhausting me. and this is why i cant get a job.
im lame.
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[Monday
June 5th] |
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mood |
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curious george |
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graduation day/night made it's way in the Top 5 Best Days of My Life category...
Anna and I took Laney to the Duck Lake Channel. She was adorable. She wore a pink bikini, but the bottoms kept sliding down her little but. She attempted to make friends with several kids, but they were all ass holes. And she let them know this. Why are kids such jerks at such a young age? & did you ever think it was possible that someone wouldn't want to be Laney's friend? I love Laney so much..so much. She is my everything. & she was just way too cool for those kids anyways....
I ♥ the Montague Boys...
I want a dirt bike so bad...I've been seeing them everywhere. damn it. My quad still isn't working & I miss it.
mmmm I'm just happy lately. and it is wonderful.
Oh the Things About Me continued...
i like red popcicles only..
i want an easy-well paying job. high hopes...
my bedroom is always messy, but my house is always clean
my mom never breast fed me; she is still breast feeding Laney after 2 years
i can always say my abc's....under any conditions
i was in love with Alias until the 3rd season ended
i'll pee outside if there are no facilities available
Red Bull is simply ahhhhh.
i think many black people look the same.
sometimes i make 'racial' statements, but usually what i say is true, and i just need to reword what i've said.
chinese is my favorite resturant food.
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[Friday
June 2nd] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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OH The Things About Me:
i like it when it's raining more than when it's sunny
i'm entertained for a long time if i have a tennis ball
my favorite color is red, but i never really wear it or really use it for anything, i just like it the best
i'll be your friend, even if you won't be mine
play-doh relieves me of stress
i have a vivid imagination and lucid dreams frequently
when i was a first grader, i got caught stealing popcorn on a friday
i met my best friend in pre-school over a chunk of clay
the first time i tried to stay the night at her house i got scared and had to go home...her dad asked me if i still wore diapers
to be continued.
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| BRAND NEW |
[Tuesday
May 30th] |
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mood |
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high. . .on life. . . maybe. |
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so, im a brand new girl and i'm fucking loving it.
i've done a 180 in areas of my life and i just feel very powerful and happy right now.
it's wonderful.
i have come up with a theory also. & it is brilliant. it's what has changed my life...
I would try to describe it now. but it's complicated.
so i'll just say that this is as simple as i can put it.
EVERYTHING = ANYTHING & ANYTHING = EVERYTHING
and, trust me. it's the answer.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
and to tonight, we shall have fun.
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[Friday
May 26th] |
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mood |
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happy |
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Did you know:
They have made chocolate lucky charms & they are not that good.
I am addicited to caffeine...& I get really bad headaches, but diet Pepsi makes it better. & that is sad.
Laney's eyes are hazel. They are either blue, green, or in between.
- anna and i tried to take her to see Over the Hedge, and she barely lasted 30 minutes before i had to bring her home. waste of money. but she was cute.
she likes popcorn.
I missed the last episode of Alias, but I might be able to watch it tonight.
that show has really disappointed me lately. The very last show better be good.
I made a touchdown the other day, & I have to tell everyone I meet, because it probably won't happen ever again.
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